Routines
by ScumFreezebag
Summary: After the end of the Strawhat Pirates, Zoro regrets the routines he fell into. He also discovers that death has not changed his captain's ability to completely ruin the moment.


For every choice made in this universe, there has to be an alternate somewhere else. There is one where Gary Snotter uses magic to defend his beloved school, Pigfarts, and fights evil with his geeky and ginger friends. Most terrifying of all, there is a universe where shirtless vampires and werewolves run around Washington State while young fangirls watch their antics through text-based portals.

On to the point, there is a universe where Monkey D. Luffy just… died, and the world went on. The world kept on changing, and the ocean didn't remember him. His crew was forced to continue on, reluctantly, with life.

'Demon Sword' Roronoa Zoro, First Mate of the New Whitebeard Pirates, entered his cabin. Normally, there was a job to be done, no time to relax. However, he had been eaten by a Sea King earlier today, so he'd been ordered off duty for the night.

He sat down, staring at the empty walls of his cabin for a few moments.

Okay, he'd relaxed enough. It was time to train.

You would have thought, on the world's strongest pirate fleet, he'd have MORE time to train. However, these days, the world was always moving. He never had a spare moment.

But on that lazy little boat, there had been nothing but time, and he'd established all these little routines.

Zoro angrily shook out his green hair. It was clear that he needed to be distracted tonight. He picked up his heaviest weight, and arms straining, pushed it up and down, again and again.

His mind stubbornly refused to be distracted. Routines, those were the problem. He was never going to escape those stupid routines he'd built for himself.

The mix of exercise and sleep during those long, leisurely trips.

Hourly battles with that stupid Love Cook.

Damning that damn witch woman to hell as he fell deeper and deeper into debt.

Taking care of the reindeer, because… well, just because.

Fighting beside that crazy-ass crew on their crazy-ass adventures.

The sound of hammering or violins or three idiots laughing their heads off.

Just noise, constant noise, in general.

Having more fun than he could ever remember having at those massive, insane parties they created everywhere they went.

Sleeping in that too-small, too-crowded room in a hammock with all those dumbasses around him.

Thinking dangerous thoughts, in those desperate moments. The moments when he needed an extra push in training, in battle. Thinking _can't__let__all__of__them__down_ rather than_strongest__swordman._

Following all of the strange orders of his rubber captain.

Seeing that captain beat up monster after monster, and feeling yourself fall behind.

One day, a monster had come along that even Luffy couldn't beat. And he had died smiling, the stupid idiot.

Zoro had sensed the crew almost wanted him to just grab the helm, yell 'On to One Piece!' and lead them somewhere new.

He hadn't, and the Strawhat Pirates ended.

And now he was here. And the weight that Chopper had once said was physically impossible to lift still couldn't distract him from all those fucking routines.

Zoro dropped the weight and sat down on the ground. Man, getting eaten alive by a sea monster really drained a guy.

He was about to pick the weight back up and keep going when something distracted him completely.

Luffy, glowing slightly and floating a little, appeared in his cabin.

Most men would have fainted. Zoro just stared, and stated the obvious.

"You're dead."

"Yep." He still had that same idiot grin on his face.

No thoughts came into Zoro's mind. As the silence stretched, he stammered out a question.

"H-How?"

Luffy stared at him gravely. He pounded his hand into his fist.

"I'm a Mystery Ghost."

Death had clearly had little effect on him.

Luffy stared at him curiously.

"Why are you here? Where is everyone else?"

Zoro didn't know what to say for a second. Eventually words came out.

"The crew is over. I work for the New Whitebeard crew now."

Zoro flinched away from the disappointed stare he received. He straightened quickly, getting angry now.

"What the hell were you expecting? You DIED. You… you went and died, and what were we supposed to do then?"

Luffy continued to stare at him. Eventually, he pushed his ghostly hat backwards and asked a question.

"Where is everyone else now?"

Zoro sighed. For a moment he decided to ignore what had to be a hallucination. Just a concussion, right? As Luffy continued to stare, Zoro found that he still couldn't help but obey his dead captain's orders.

"Franky and the boat went back to Water 7. He runs a company with the Berg guy. The Marines leave him alone; they've got bigger fish to fry. The world's gone crazy since you died.'

'Brook went to Reverse Mountain. There was a picture, in the paper, him riding on that whale and playing the violin next to that old guy."

Luffy smiled eagerly at the good news. _Damn__idiot,_ Zoro thought, _act__a__little__more__dead_.

"Usopp went back to East Blue. He didn't want to be a brave warrior of the sea anymore. Married that blonde girl."

Luffy deflated sadly.

"That wasn't the end of that. It seemed someone still wanted him to be a brave warrior, 'cause he's one of the military heads of the East Blue Confederacy. He was in the paper too. 'A dangerous, experienced man who pushes his men forward in battle. Pray you never have to face him,' according to the reporter."

The idiot grin was back. It changed slowly to a puzzled expression. "East Blue Confederacy?"

Zoro smiled back grimly. "Told you the world had changed. The Revolutionaries have been stirring a lot of people around. All the stuff Robin found out… the world's gone insane. Usopp's been fighting Marines."

Luffy seemed pretty pleased. "What about Nami?" He asked.

"You must mean 'Cat Burglar' Nami. Dangerous thief wanted in all five oceans by both the Marines and the pirates. She drops by to say hello every time she robs us. Tells me how everyone else is doing."

Luffy grinned, unsurprised. "Robin?"

"She was going to set off on her own. Made a sad little speech… 'I had the good times of my life. It is a shame that they had to end.' She had a boat ready and everything…"

Zoro forged on quickly before Luffy has a chance to assault him with a tragic look.

"Nami stopped her. Said something snappy; 'A thief who steals from pirates could always use some extra arms and legs. Finding Poneglyphs seems like a good way to spend some of our money.' Robin joined her, right there and then. That was the second and last time I ever saw that woman cry.'

'They took the shitty cook with them too. He was just kind of wandering around like a zombie. Nami says they bum around looking for All Blue in their free time."

Zoro frowned. Damn idiots, always on the edge of being caught.

"The three of them make up the Strawhat Bandits."

A confused look spread over Luffy's face. "_Strawhat_ bandits?"

"Damn witch stole your hat."

Luffy looked even more confused then.

"I gave the hat back to Shanks!"

Zoro shook his head.

"Yeah, she stole it from him. Said she'd always liked it. Took Mihawk's hat for Robin." He had always wondered how she'd done that.

Luffy laughed loudly. "Does Sanji have a hat too?"

Zoro felt a vein twitch on his forehead. Unable to speak, he simply raised one of his arms.

Luffy stared at him for about thirty seconds before his brain began to put the pieces together. That took a minute.

"No bandana…"

"SHUT UP." Damn shitty cook. Damn thieving witch to hell.

Luffy laughed again. "What about Chopper?"

Roronoa Zoro, feared Demon Sword of the Whitebeard Pirates, felt a blush spread on his cheeks. "I've been taking care of him. Witch woman said she'd lift my debts if I brought him with me."

That woman was going to hell. He remembered her smiling at him, saying 'I was gonna send him with Usopp, but he still needs more adventures_._' That smug little grin that said she was doing it for him too. Damn expression that said she knew this would help him, but she wouldn't admit it.

It had helped, too. A lot. Damn witch.

Luffy laughed again. "Well, see you, Zoro."

Before he could say anything, a goodbye or even maybe begging him to stay, his door burst open. Zoro looked around for Mystery Ghost Luffy, but he was gone.

Chopper stood frozen, wearing a horrified expression.

"Z-z-z-Zoro! You almost died today! You have mild brain damage! WHY ARE YOU TRAINING? HEAVY POINT!" Before Zoro could put up a struggle, the reindeer had restrained him. He transformed back to his smaller size and began to inspect his skull.

An hour later, long after Chopper had drifted off on top of his head, Zoro picked up the weight again. He smiled.

"Gotta be a pretty famous strongest swordsman if I want that idiot to hear about me up in heaven," he muttered to himself. He soon got back to training (Balance exercise: Heavy Lifting with Small Sleeping Reindeer on Head).

He'd heard Nami was in this part of the ocean; that woman never missed a chance to plunder their plentiful treasure stores. It would be nice to hear how everyone was doing. She generally gave him a newspaper with one of their pictures, or even his own, plastered across its pages.

He absentmindedly scratched what would normally have been his head, causing Chopper to giggle in his sleep.

"Damn that witch to hell. Guess I still owe her a debt."

He kept on lifting right until dawn.

Maybe some routines are unbreakable.


End file.
